You have to put the mask on first, before you can assist others

I don’t like to say that kids are bad, or parents are bad, or people are bad. My fundamental belief is really that we are not good or bad. Of course, there is evidence that people are born with tendencies towards certain kinds of behaviors, generally on a continuum… there is a normal and expected response in most circumstances… and there are people who don’t seem to respond with the bulk of people in the normal range… And there is evidence that environmental contingencies illicit, shape, and maintain both adaptive and maladaptive behaviors…  The nature versus nurture debate is obsolete, at best.

Clearly, I’m rambling… I’m trying to set a stage for a comment, a feeling… I met a horrible mother. And it’s not entirely her fault and I’m not judging her badly for it. She has an extensive trauma history, completely untreated PTSD, and substance abuse problem, and so much pain… physical, emotional, every kind you can think of.

It's not that she is a bad person, despite whatever knee jerk reaction people (me included) might have when thinking about a woman who isn't mothering well. This mom does not have the resources to support her children. She doesnt have the money, the skills, the time, the emotion regulation, the tolerance... And there children than there are of her, and so many needs.... And her focus is solely on her own survival, as it has been her whole life most likely, and her children are suffering alone. And looking for support anywhere they can find it. Some have found their way. And some have not. She would wish it different, I bet. Her intentions were good at some point, most likely. She is a victim, too.

Today.  I am thankful that I have the ability to keep my children from knowing just how bad life can be.  Sometimes, I am so annoyed by how “spoiled” they seem or how “ungrateful.” Today, I cherish it.