You get to share the blame AND the credit!

Someone mentioned my blog today. Which reminded me of it and that I haven't written anything in a while. So, as I was walking the dogs and having conversations with myself to determine what to write about, I confused myself. I do that sometimes. Some things are too interrelated to keep straight. So, excuse me if I go astray on these related topics. Maybe today's challenge will be to figure out what in the world I'm talking about!

Here's a paraphrase of a challenge I saw on a billboard at the mall: Name 3 of Hollywood's leading men or women. Now, name 3 of your child's teachers.... But I digress.

Topic One: I am a child psychologist. For many people, this implies that I sit in a room with child after child and talk them into reason and compliant behavior. In fact, I have to remind parents (and others) that children don't develop separate from others, why would an effective treatment involve only working with them separate from others? Doesn't make sense, right? So. Dropping a child off for 50 minutes a week and expecting them to develop a new way of being, living, and interacting doesn't make sense either, right? I'll leave you to think about that for a minute.


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Topic Two: If I worked with adults, I could make more money. What? Let me explain. I spend a great deal of time on the phone talking to teachers, counselors, moms, dads, pediatricians, probation officers, extended family members, etc. You see, often, the struggles children are having relate to how well they fit into what's going on around them, what we call the systems (e.g., school, family, legal, etc). Think about this. If you are the kind of adult that doesn't like to sit still, who enjoys moving around, who is a hands on learner, who likes to make noise, then when you choose the kinds of environments to "live" in, you will pick the ones that fit you. The ones that allow you some freedom to be who you are. However, if you are a child, you don't get to make so many choices. You don't choose where you live, who you live with, who shares a room with you, where you go to school, how much time you spend in a given class, what you eat, when you eat. Sometimes you don't even get to choose what you wear! So, my money per hour goes DOWN DOWN DOWN as I work with and consult with all the people in all the places where children live. The kicker is, adults live in a bunch of different systems, too. We just get a little better at generalizing our skills across situations as we get older. We also get better at protecting our systems from each other. Theoretically.

So, here's what I want you to do. Take a minute to think of something really bad that has happened to you since you had kids. Now think of all the ways that the bad thing effected your children. Directly. Indirectly. Don't forget things like "I was so sad that I couldn't spend time with them when they got home from school." Those are indirect consequences. Now, do the same thing for something great that happened to you. Imagine how it would be if you were being effected by those things but had very little choice in the situation, the outcome, or how to cope with it. For some kids, you also have to consider their ability to understand what's going on around them... based on their age or brain smarts.

Remember that as the CEO of the family, you call the shots... wait. That metaphor's a bit mixed. But you get the idea. You are calling the shots but the team needs you to remember that you are all in the game together.

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