Heavy stuff to think about before a cup of coffee (a little preachy)

Yesterday on the plane, I sat next to a woman who was reading a book called "Stella." She told me that it was written by a Jew about Hitler. We talked momentarily about the implications of that and some of the interesting things in the book. I don't generally enjoy historical novels. Honestly, I would say that my knowledge of specific historical events is pretty terrible. Towards the end of the conversation, the woman (turned out to be a master's level therapist) said something to the effect of the horrible things that humans do to each other. This statement actually reflects the reason why I avoid books and other accounts of history. And the horrible things get stuck in my head.

So, I woke up this morning thinking of the unspeakable things that we do to one another. This line of thinking started where it generally does. With the big historical events that continue to effect large groups of people. The Jewish Holocaust. The Africans' Maafa. The Native American Trail of Tears. When this (and other nations') values were and priorities were a bit screwy. Success over humanity. Business over relationships. Land over empathy. When our value of stuff overrode our value of life. These terrible shifts in values were often shrouded in politics and lies. To varying degrees these events are, at times, dismissed as "mistakes" of the past that should be "gotten over." At other times they are remembered and honored in large gatherings of celebration and mourning.

From these thoughts, my mind moved, eventually, to more routine kinds of abuse. Somewhere a child is being touched, a wife is being battered, a husband is walking on emotional eggshells. And smaller acts: children who rarely see smiles in their homes. People who are sitting around gossiping and plotting. Businesses that are targeting groups of people for discrimination. Verbal and written distribution of hate and bigotry.

Heavy stuff to think about before a cup of coffee.

Here's the thing. Ya know, as I see it. It's important to remember the horrors that have happened. That statement is too passive for my mood. Let me restate it: It is important to remember that horrors that we have done to other people. That you and I have done to people that we know and that people have done to us. I don't mean that we need to harp on them and beat them into the ground. Venting is only helpful so far as it leads to some emotional relief and a subsequent ability to make a useful plan. I mean that recognizing a tragedy, and the role of its players, is the first step in being able to make that useful plan. Denial, silence, and shame are counter productive. This is true on the large scale of world events involving genocide and on the smaller scale of interactions between families.

So... today. Think about the behaviors your children see. What are the values that they are learning from you? I'm not referencing the words they hear from you. Most families can say they value "the right things," the pro-social things: love, cooperation, acceptance, life, liberty.

But what values are you LIVING in front of your family?