Who's side are you on, anyway?

I had this great thing to blog about. Two days ago. I can remember thinking all day: "I can't wait to be able to write about this." But now, those thoughts are just memories of greatness. And as I write that sentence, I wonder how many other great things I have forgotten. I have no doubt that when I get into my car to head home, I will remember something I planned to accomplish before I left today. But is remembering that you forgot something really forgetting? I read that question somewhere, but I can't recall.

Yesterday, I got a nudge from someone. I have no idea the person nor the situation. But they said, "when you get to be my age, you'll see. Your memory isn't what it once was." How can I remember that, but not the details? The mind is an amazing thing.

It makes you think that we usually (or should) remember things verbatim. As if information moves perfectly into our heads and is stored there. Waiting for retrieval. When really, our memories are fluid, moving back and forth and changing with our experiences and our own expectations. Sometimes, I tell my students that the field of psychology is really the study of how your brain messes with your mind.

How does this even relate to parenting, you ask. Great question! When I talk to families about their crisis of the week, (and we all have them, I don't mean that in a pejorative way), I get completely different stories depending on the teller. Then I get to hear the different ways that family members call each other liars. But, for me, I believe everyone. Based on our own "self" we see things, hear things, smell things, all differently. So when we recall them, the past is a completely different world. The goal, as I see it, is not to convince the party member of how "it really happened" but to agree on a shared understanding and perhaps move towards a shared goal of how to get along better next time. Tricky Sticky business. It's hard to get over the hump of needing to be right. "But wait, Dr. Kenya, I have to just tell you this part." But no, dear, you don't. Let's think about how we can make the next story have a happier ending. Together.

[http://www.fuelyourwriting.com/wheres-your-conflict/]

So... your task, if you choose to accept it: Consider th  is. How do you let your search for the truth get in the way of your family's successful conflict?