One of the ways I pass my time is to serve as a Behavioral Health Consultant in two local Head Start Centers. Last week was their last week for the year. I went in to say goodbye to the children that were leaving and also just to hang out with the teachers and wish them a Happy Summer. Teachers are amazing creatures to me... but that's another topic for another day.
A group of us were having one of those "back in our day" and "I just can't understand kids today" sort of conversations. But because we all work with parents the focus was a little different. It revolved around the difficulty there often is in getting parents to participate in school activities with their children. One of the teachers suggested that Head Start mandate parent involvement and participation in parenting workshops. I think that would be great, although I doubt it would work in any simple form. There would need to be real incentives to address real barriers that parents face. And there would need to be real consequences for families that just flat out refused to comply. Neither is something that poorly funded programs like Head Start can really address well without careful planning... (here's another great topic for another day's blog).
Another theme, one of my favorite themes, is this idea of parents who restrict there children from playing outside. Well, maybe restrict is too strong a concept. More like, they don't encourage their children to play outside. These kids sit inside and play video games or engage in other non - physical activities most of the time while at home. One of the teachers said that there were children in her class this year who really struggled with being involved in the classroom because they were so weak. And others who have no idea how to entertain themselves during free-choice time. These are two groups of children who often complain about being on the play ground or taking walks. Who seek out the teachers often rather than knowing how to engage with other children appropriately. The group of us recalled how, when we were young, we hit the door as soon as we woke up. We ate lunch on the porch so as not to miss anything. We came home when the "street lights came on." Having to stay inside was like a punishment. Nobody worried that no one had cell phones back then, or that we would get hurt or that we wouldn't be able to solve some child- sized problem. Because we could solve the problem. At least, we knew how to try first, before we asked for help from a parent we knew was in the house (or a phone call away for those of us with working parents) if we needed them.
Finally, and this is another of my favorite topics to talk about with parents, we talked about parents who don't know how to play. How does that happen? Are they the adults that were once the children who never played outside? Do they think that you outgrow play? Do they feel silly?
When you talk about parents who need to "learn something" it implies that they are lacking in some skill. That if you just teach it to them, they will do it and do it well. And this may be true for some parents. But the truth is, there are other reasons parents don't participate at their kids' school, encourage outdoor play, or engage in playful activities with their children. One is fear. I'll let you think on that one until another day. Another reason is that they don't know that they should do these things. They don't know the value of these things and/ or they don't see them as falling within the scope of their parenting role. Parents have come to rely on schools and teachers to teach many of the values and skills that were once the sole responsibility of families. And indeed, schools should shoulder some of the burden. But let's not forget that the first and most powerful teachers your children have are you.
What did your children learn from you today?
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