Speak now... or maybe just hold your peace

[Tangential mind train - Does one hold their peace (and be peaceful) or hold their piece (of input)? I think both ways work!]

Looks like I'm down to posting about once a month... a weekly goal seems so lofty... I'm a big fan of redefining success as situations change. And let me tell you... the situation has changed! I've been so busy  lately... but I digress...

Today I talked with someone about communication. Actually, I would say that it is in my top 3 most common topics and I talk about it at least two times every day.  Kids who dont talk to their parent, parents who dont talk to each other, teachers who dont talk to parents, kids talking by biting their peers. Communication is a skill that is needed as an underlying things across a lot of different other kinds of skills. And there are pretty typical things that people think about when they are talking about communication: being assertive, expressing yourself, using your words, etc etc.

But I work with kids. and in kid world, not all choices are your own. (Brainblast: not all choices are your own in adult world, either!) And sometimes even being appropriately assertive, expressive, or wordy can get you into trouble. Take a kid with a parent who has their own communication problems... or a child who is trying to be assertive with an aggressive peer. Context and your intended audience are important! You can say some things to your mom in private, for example, that you best to keep quiet in public. Am I right or am I right?

Some critical things about communicating to get us started:
Don't be aggressive- that means, you dont tread on the rights of others just to get your own needs met. It is not ok to make somebody feel like poopy just so that you feel in control.

Consider your goal: Are you just giving feedback? Are you seeking help? Do you just really need someone to listen to you?

Consider the other person's communication style: Do you need to approach them softly or is blunt and to the point better?

Emotions matter: If you're angry, WAIT! As emotions go up, thinking goes down. Defenses run hot and high and then nothing gets accomplished.

So... challenge of the month... what are two things that you want to communicate with someone? How do the four ideas above come in to play? What needs to happen for the communication to go well? Are there helpful others to enlist (and does their communication style make a difference).

[This is related to problem solving in a pretty direct way and a central idea I come back to again and again: Some problems you can solve, and some problems you can't. Can you tell the difference?]