Good news: You don't have to work out EVERY DAY either!

I was at the gym the other day with a cup of coffee. I almost always take one with me when I walk out of my house in the morning. Sometimes I don’t even drink it. It's part of my thing. Anyway, I was drinking it and a friend who was taking the class with me said something like: "WHAT! Is that coffee? Oh my goodness" using *that* tone. You know the one, the one that says: I can't believe you would befoul yourself with poisons. She then went on to relate the guy she saw walking into the building on his way to work out while smoking a cigarette. "A CIGARETTE! Can you imagine? I was like, aren't you on the way to the gym?!

First, let’s get past the judgmental tone. I could have imagined it. Maybe I’m sensitive to drinking coffee while working out. Maybe I don't like it being compared to smoking...

Underlying all of that, it seems, is this idea that if you aren’t doing EVERYTHING you can, you shouldn’t bother doing ANYTHING. This is such a false way to go about making significant changes in your life... its setting yourself up for failure... and here is the tie in to parenting... you were wondering weren't you?

When parents want to regain control of their kids' disruptive behavior, the can generate a laundry list of things they want to be different about the child: he doesn’t listen, he talks to much, he can’t stay on task, he talks back, he hits his brother/sister, he's disrespectful, he steals, he lies, he doesn’t say please and thank you.... if you go after all of those things at once, you are done for. And exhausted and ineffective, ta boot!

So, for today. Pick two behaviors that are at the top of the list of things that are off limits. Not just annoying, but completely unacceptable. From the list above the hitting is a good candidate. With those two things, be as consistent as possible with making a consequence happen that you can stick with. That means a SHORT time out. A BRIEF removal from a privilege. If you make the consequence too long it’s harder to keep in place AND the kids don’t get anything out of it anyway, except resentment. Which, by the way, is not a good attitude to start with the next time you need to set a limit.

DOUBLE WHAMMY! Pick three behaviors that you are going to consistently encourage. What are three things your kids do that you want them to do more of: say hello in a nice voice, use gentle hands with their baby brother, get dressed on time, set their own alarm, remember their medicine, sit quietly while you are on the phone. Unlike the other category, feel free to sprinkle SPECIFIC encouragement (such as: "I like the way you held the door for your sister") liberally.