The Mirror Self/ Parent and Long Term Parenting Goals

My daughter and I were standing in line today waiting for something or other when she said something to me. I don't remember what it was or what we were talking about. But I remember that I had a moment of hope. Hope that no one was in earshot because she whatever she said was right between being cute and being rude. She walks that line often. As do many "witty" adolescents.

But it got me to thinking. I talk with parents often about their reactivity to their children's behavior. Very often it related to what they think other people are thinking about them as people and as parents. That is, they say something like: "I just wanted him to stop screaming in the Wal-Mart. People were looking at me." Or something like: "I couldn't let him talk to me like that! What would people think!" Suddenly, your worth as a parent boils down to THIS MOMENT.

And I get it. I've been there. But take a minute and think about it. You are faced with THIS MOMENT every moment. And parenting lasts for YEARS. A different way to measure parenting success is to think about your Long - Haul Parenting goals. It's less about moment to moment behaviors. So for instance: does my child show appropriate compassion, kindness, and values most of the time? Are her problem solving skills developing? Does she get along well with most reasonably behaved peers and adults? Can he follow when necessary and lead when appropriate? Do we have the kind of relationship that fosters discussion, encouragement and acceptance?

And remember, its important to remember that no one, big or small, does these things 100% of the time. You have to notice and appreciate the successes more often than you bundle the failures and throw them back at someone. But I think that is a topic for a different blog.

So think about it: What are your long term parenting goals? What kind of person do you want your child to become? What are the lessons she or he is learning that will keep them on that track or derail them? Are you leading them to that goal? Are you standing in their way? Would you follow you?