The Mirror Self (Parent) and Long- haul Parenting

I just found most of this post in my drafts list (From 2011!!)... dusting it off.

My daughter and I were standing in line this morning for something or other and she said something to me. I don't remember what it was or what we were talking about. But I remember having a moment of hope. Hope that no one else was in earshot because she said something on the borderline between being cute and being rude. She walks that line often as do many "witty" adolescents, especially those with sarcastic parents. ::Ahem::

But it got me to thinking. I talk to parents often about their reactivity to their children's behavior. Often, it comes down to their worry about what other people will think about them in the moment. "Well, I wanted him to stop yelling in to the Wal-Mart because people were looking. So I just gave in." or " I couldn't let him talk to me like that in front of people!"

I get it. I've been there. Recently. But I try to remember that the decisions I make about how to parent aren't always about acute moment- to- moment things but long-term parenting goals. Does my daughter show compassion, kindness, and decorum in most situations? Are her problem solving skills developing? Does she get along well with other people her age? Does she have a healthy sense of authority and containment? Do we have the kind of relationship that fosters discussion, acceptance, and encouragement? Here, my sense of hope is stronger. Because the answers, at least more days than not, are yes. Which is a segue into the idea that you have to notice and relish the positives more than you focus on those blips... but that's a topic for a different blog!

What are your long-haul parenting goals? What kind of person do you want your child to grow in to? What lessons are they learning now that will help them develop into that person and how are you showing them your values?